The Fast Times.

I've decided to resume livejournal-ing after the hectics of school. Even though exams are over and i ought to be in complete state of bliss right now, sigh i'm still getting all worried and rather sad over the results. Tomorrow's the last day of crappy eya marks. My gpa has officially died due to this year's final exams. So upsetting. There are just some subjects that seem to be hopeless to excel in. Ok stop stop. No more fretting. I'm just going to get over with tomorrow and return to my holiday spirits. (Although if it's going to suck a big deal, i'm not so sure)

Anyway, happier things to note: VFD sleepover on tuesday (: vivien couldn't make it though :( I had loads of fun haha, not sleeping at all throughout the night was an interesting experience (: Nearly died the next day, and i slept so much afterwards to make up for it. The bbq was great, must say it was pretty successful. (: <3

Training's back to normal too, although i didn't go today, but i will tomorrow. Hope it'll be more fun than tiring. Oh and Chiangmai trip is confirmed! (: Can't wait!

I feel like reading Brisingr now again. Ah, still love the inheritance series, no matter how much eragon the movie sucked. But i think  i shall go sleep instead, the idea of tomorrow's shitty results is still torturing me. Wish me luck!

haven't blogged in ages. but never mind, here i am. currently waiting for the 3rd episode of gossip girl S3 to load pfft. it's taking so long la. anw, i think my ss pt is like crap, all i managed to do today was research and finalise my solution. spent the rest of the time sleeping slacking oh and doing some math just now. so sad that eyas are coming, that just means stress, mug and stress. :/ oh well but looking forward to the holidays afterwards. (:

ok i give up on waiting for the video. its 1am already.. shall go sleep.

you always move on eventually.

ok, bunch of stuff happened the past few days. but i'll talk about it another time. have to go soon to do lit fa, which needs to be passed up tmr! and i havent done it yet. :/ oh dear. havent actually sit down properly and do some work. i need to chiong on sat!

i just watched 21 and untraceable dvds borrowed from jac when i went to her house(: haha, kinda messed up her stacks of dvds. anw i'm still feeling freaked out by the 2nd movie, and being home alone isnt helping. watched the orphanage with jac at her house too. ahh ok the ghost was freakyyy. oh no i dont want to think about it anymore. :/

so there're remedials tmr in school. gonna feel like another normal school day.

i have my answer now.

another lesson learnt. another blow to the heart.

how soon till i stop hurting? i've had enough for one year.

but then again, i'll move on, like the last time. and things will return to normal, see that's what experience teaches you.

maybe when it comes to this kind of things, in the end, you find that you can't really put the blame on anyone. that's why it's hard.

never let yourself loose too easily. control. hold back.

today, lisa, kristy, jac, deb and i went for ri training in the morning. it was quite alright, except that after looking at how pro they batted, we felt rather demoralised. haha.

then all of us except deb went to the changi airport. lisa only had lunch with us then afterwards was only the rest of us who went to study at starbucks (: evan joined us later on, and she had tooth extraction before that! haha. her whole cheek was like numb and couldnt even talk properly x) whoa i felt as if i toured the whole airport today. from terminal 3 to 1 to 2 then back to 3 to take bus home. but really its a nice place to mug at. although, for me it wasn't very productive haha. i only read some lit notes -.- cos i was just tired. then we watched the prestige on poon's laptop. at least in the end me and jac did. wah at first it was rather uncomfortable, cos the screen was too dark, and we kept staring at each other's reflections instead (unintentionally), and the we couldn't hear the sound. thankfully, we used earphones and tuned the screen later on. even after having watched the movie before, i think i was still excited going through it again. haha. oh man, i love the prestige. hardly ever come across a movie with such good storyline. (:



oh oh and i finished watching gossip girl. ok fine, yeah i know im slow! started quite long ago, then stopped for a while thats why. ahh but so sad, i love the show! (it's not just bimb and brainless!) haha. but anw, season 2 starts today in america. pfft, so can only watch it online when its uploaded. blair looks weird in this photo..

teachers' day today. then afterwards was the VFD treasure hunt x) haha, it's supposed to be something like an opening ceremony for cheryl, nicole, chern hwee, amanda, kim and i to officially join VFD. lol! and viv and abi are the housekeepers, in charge of everything. so they planned the whole thing today, haha they really put in a lot of effort, decorating the stuff. and then we had to say a pledge at the the end, which was hilarious (written by viv). 'dont say thank you, say welcome' so now, there are more members than before when nearly everyone was on probation or expelled. haha. ok, i shan't talk too much about it, cos i know people won't really get what i'm rambling about. (:

so afterwards, went out with viv, cheryl and abi. we went to cine, walked around and watched wall e. the movie was really cute, haha, all of us loved the cleaner robot xD after that, shopped around at heerens, then sat at starbucks (where viv and cheryl told 2 damn lame and LONG jokes, which made both me and abi stone at the end hahaha. and i still dont get the personality quiz.). went to douby ghaut too and spent a rather long time at carrefour and cheryl got sore legs and started whining and both of us were spacing out, getting high, cos we were tired. haha. the mrt was super crowded when we decided to go home. and cheryl got separated from the rest of us and was trapped in the mrt, even though we tried forming a chain, but i got stuck at the station, causing viv and abi to get jammed behind me also. haha it was hilarious. ><

so yupp today was fun. haha. hopefully the holidays will be as nice. but then again, got so much hw, and ss pt to do. pfft. and trainings will take up some time so whats left of the time to slack will be so little. :(

honestly i don't think i've changed at all after all this time. maybe it's just that all this is a different environment for me from the past. compared to last year, i think a lot has really happend this year. much more. i don't know if that's good or bad. i mean yeah i feel that i've grown and perhaps matured? from going through everything. but, i would really like it better if things were more average. and that certain issues wouldn't creep into my mind every now and then. like last year they've never bothered me at all. oh well. it's probably a better idea to think of it as a positive sign. and i realised that sec 3 life just zooms past you. so i guess must cherish what is left of the year.

i hope the trip to chiangmai for softball at the end of the year will be confirmed! it'll be awesome. like we'll get to do the new year coutdown together! (:

Why has it got to be so complicated sometimes? I'm really sick of it. Sick and tired. Maybe it's really time to let go.

I should just focus all everything else but that. I'm better than this. 

I feel accomplished that I managed to write a shakespearen play (part of it) today. (:

Woah, yeah I know, the last time i updated was ages ago. Sorry, well yeah, I've been busy, and also lazy. Guess you could say quite a lot of stuff went on in such short time. Like today we had national day celebrations, and I'm really glad our finale item was successful :D The planes looked wonderful and everyone was pretty much surprised by them, heh. Afterwards, Jac, Mag and I went to watch The Mummy. It was ok I think, but rather ridiculous at various scenes, especially the end! Omg, so cheesy la, and we laughed at those parts. Haha. Then only I met Deb and watched another movie, The X Files. Hm, I guess, plot wise, the latter was much better. Haha, it's more of a require-you-to-think kinda show. And Deb accompanied me to buy Breaking Dawn before that! Yay. I finally got it. Just started reading, but heard from others that it isn't a very nice conclusion to the whole story. :( Oh well. But anyway, after watching 2 movies, spending my time at orchard nearly the whole day, and reading 79 pages of Breaking Dawn, I'm feeling slightly light-headed now. Haha, but had fun today. (:

Good things never last long. Great, have to mug like hell for the next 3 days. Lit pt, chinese, physics and math test all on tues. How nice of the school. :/ What kind of a shitty break. Ahh, I was supposed to do lit tonight but I end up reading Breaking Dawn. Jac's right, maybe shouldn't have bought it so early, since it distracts me. 

Hai, some crappishly, annoying stuff happened in the past few days also. But never won't mention them. Just that right now, I'm still feeling rather irritated.

I think I'm obsessed over the whole twilight saga story once again. Edward, Edward, Edward. Can't believe you can actually fall in love with a fictional character. (: 

I miss training. 

I don't want to study math. Cos I suck at it.

I'm annoyed that I'm thinking about ____. So confused, and I just can't think straight. 

There should be a limit to how much a person can handle.

I'm loving With Me by Sum 41. (: I love how in Gossip Girl, it was playing while Chuck and Blair were making out. The song just fitted in really well.

I want you to know
With everything I won't let this go, these words are my heart and soul
I'll hold on to this moment you know, 'cause I'd bleed my heart out to show
And I won't let go

I don't want this moment to ever end
Where everything's nothing without you

Whew, glad that piano exam's over. The examiner was rather nice and kind, like he gave easier scales and oral questions. Afterwards, I came home and slept from 4pm till 8 haha. Then I had dinner and sat in front of the TV for 2 hours straight. I just couldn't get my butt off the couch, argh see how lazy I am. 

Anws, happened to chance upon this quote from the twilight movie:

Bella Swan: "Are you going to tell me how you stopped the van?"
Edward Cullen: :Yeah. Um... I had an adrenaline rush. It's very common. You can Google it. "

Omg haha so lame, 'you can Google it.' Looks like they've added in some new lines. Oh and i've decided that maybe, just maybe, Robert Pattinson doesn't look that bad haha.

 I think it's starting to become a habit of mine to sleep late. :/ Have to blame all the hw really. Or mabe it's just that I have bad self-control. Lol. It's 1am in the morning and yet I feel awake, almost fully. I just felt like coming online and write this post to procrastinate and then I'll have trouble waking up in the morning tomorrow. It's like a daily routine... Anws, I stayed home from rhd today, haha. Initially intended to complete more undone work but half the afternoon was gone cos of piano. Piano exam is seriously freaking me out. O.O It's so unfair that my cousins (who're staying at my house for this week) get to go out and have fun while I'm stuck at home. And right now, my mind is filled with 'Taming of the Shrew' lines, because I spent the past few hours reading the whole text in excruciating detail. Argh, how to sleep like this. Hah.

I just can't get enough of this song. (:

'This is for keeps'

The streets are dark, my pulse is flat-lined
as I'm running to you
You sit completely unaware of what I'm about to do
The air is thick with tension much like when we are together
My fangs are aching as I'm pondering about you and I forever

As I round your corner
I am nervous that you won't be my lover
I knock three times and hope that my pale complexion won't blow my cover
You answer the door with your innocent face
Would you like to leave this human race, tonight?

Eternity will never be enough for me
and eternally we'll live our infallible love

My brain is pumping an unusual secretion of lust
Your eyes are softer now
and your chin, it drips a bloody color of rust
I am raising up the stakes of this round, I am playing for keeps
Oh, would you like to leave this human race, tonight?

Eternity will never be enough for me
and eternally we'll live our infallible love

Follow me into the sea
We'll drown together and immortalize you and me
Leave behind this lonely town
We're both better than this, it's not worth being down

Eternity will never be enough for me
and eternally we'll live our infallible love

Follow me into the sea
We'll drown together and immortalize you and me
Leave behind this lonely town (eternally)
We're both better than this, it's not worth being down (eternally)

Well, ya i know the lyrics are so tragic but the whole song is <3. And i watched the youtube video of it fitting into a more modernised romeo and juliet movie with leonardo dicaprio staring in. Ahh it's so sad. 

Didn't go for training today, cos some of my relatives just arrived and are staying with my family for a week or so. It feels kinda weird now for me after not seeing them for so long, but it's nice too.

so today was fun (: 

omg batman (the dark night) is awesome! awesome awesome awesome! must watch :D i'm so glad that it didn't disappoint me, like some movies do. the joker is soo cool and like amusing and smart. but he's really twisted :/ and pervertic. anw the whole movie is dark and rather sad. oh and it was interesting seeing jake gyllenhaal's sister, maggie g.

so after the movie with jac and shihui, we met the rest and went back to school to watch the juniors' match against nanyang. i think they played well today :D oh there was this ny girl with the name 'cullen' on her jersey back and got us interested haha.

then we went to play netball for most of the rest of training. lol. which had some really weird and funny moments. like the strange team cheer 'aaahh' that was so random. running with the ball. and teddy bear roll. hahaha.

anws, i'm feeling tired, shall go sleep soon.

p.s. i love the song this is for keeps. thanks kz (:

'Everything we do is a choice: 
oatmeal or cereal, highway or side street, kiss her or keep her. 
We make choices and we live with the consequences. 
If someone gets hurt along the way we ask for forgiveness. 
It's the best anyone can do.'
-Pushing Daisies

everybody wants to be the sun that lights up
your life. but i'd rather be the moon, so i can
shine on you during your darkest hour of the
darkest day when your sun isn't around.


you're like an ocean. pretty enough on the surface,
but dive down into your depths; you'll find beauty
most people never see. lucky me - i fell head first.


sometimes you just need a second chance
because maybe the first time, you just weren't
ready for what was about to happen.




strength isn't how much you can handle
before you break; it's about how much
you can handle after you break.

Just some quotes and pictures i found (: I think posting this kinda stuff helps me to prevent myself from saying things. Things that i would wish i could take back if i let them out. 

I'm so glad that the holidays are here! But that's no reason to slack for me. ): So much work to do. Finishing bio pt was such a chore. I think I've never stayed up so late to complete some stupid work before. Guess I'll need to start doing things earlier. Haha.

Training yesterday was... haha hm comfortable? Only evan, shi hui and I went. So there wasn't much we could do. We actually slept (at least evan and i did). >< Ok have to be more hardworking next time. O.O

I realised that avril lavigne's older songs are really nice. She used to write much more meaningful ones. Now it's like what? girlfriend? Pfft.

Well, that's it for me. Have a great holiday ahead!
 

Joy. Grief. Excitement. Lost... These emotions have taken control of me for the past few days. I don't want to feel anymore. I just want to be numb for a while. It's the first time, so I think I'm not really good at handling such situations. Self-control needs to be mastered. And learning not to give in everything yet. It's too early to be sure of anything. Part of me really enjoys it, because its a good feeling. But another part is struggling to hold back. Ahh, this stage of life isn't an experince that I like. I hope it turns out well, cross my fingers. Maybe better than well. And please don't let history repeat itself. :/

And it isn't helping that there're so many things to be done next week. Pts and more pts. Since when is a draft compulsory? Pfft. I want to watch TV! And have some time to spare. Haha.

Oh yeah, the other time I forgot to mention about dance concert. Haha. Well it was great I think. Very entertaining lol. 

Can't wait for week 4. Hope next week will pass quickly. 

Pushing Daisies is such an awesome show. (:

I think i've learned to looked at things with a different perspective today. Like i begin to realise finally. How naive I have been. Stupid and foolish. I'm fine the way I am. And even sometimes when I'm not, I'll lie to myself till it's true. So what if others differ from me. I don't have to be influenced. Whatever happens, I must stay true to myself. Don't get flustered or misled. I know that it'll find me, someday. Right now, i've gotta take it easy and slow.

oh dear... i dunno what to think anymore. i dunno what im getting myself into. i really don't know! navigate me! seriously. where do i go from here? sometimes i get really embarrassed of myself. 

am i doing the right thing? should i just get out while i still can? aiyoooooo, i am troubled. and confused. i wish everything were less dramatic. :/ sigh oh well, guess i'll just wait and see.  

this is not the time to get distracted. no. no. no. i have the worst self-control. but yet at the same, i'm hoping.

i shall just go sleep and forget. temporarily. 

i just finished watching juno (: its superrrr funny and witty. a lot of sacarstic humour. meaningful as well. ellen page is darn cool, i think she would make a great bella (as in from the twilight series). 

Juno: "That's a wise choice because I knew this girl who like had this crazy freak out because she took too many behavioral meds at once and she like ripped off her clothes, and dove into the fountain at Ridgedale Mall and was like, "Blah I am a Kracken from the sea!" "

"I heard that was you." HAHA.


Juno: "Yea, you just take Soupy-Sales to prom I can think of so many cooler things to do that night. Like, you know what Bleek? I might pumice my feet, uh, I might go to Bren's Unitarian Church, maybe get hit by a truck full of hot garbage juice, you know? Cause all those things, would be exponentially cooler than going to prom with you"


Juno: "i'm already pregnant. what other kind of shenanigans could I get into?"

i am so freaking pissed. stupid stupid. i just wrote out this post and now its gone! ahhhh how irritating !@#@!$

ok nvm.

the past 2 days have been really tiring, both mentally and physically, proved by me sleeping till 12.30pm today. lol. they were filled with ups and downs. 

strings concert was on thurs. haha cheryl and i were being super lame during it, cos our humour levels were really low. practically laughing at everything. then other ppl around us got kinda pissed cos we made quite a lot of noise. oops. plus vidya was talking loudly on the phone and doesnt know how to whisper. haha. x) nicole was the most attentive la. the same day i experienced my low points. sigh. i shan't say what they were but im just glad its better now. 

disppointment, not a easy thing to face. you always make me feel... stop. i have to stop. 

your words always dig deep into my heart. the rollarcoaster ride is worth every minute of it. sit tight and hold on. i trust you. <3

us sec 3s talked to the seniors that day too. i think i felt better after we communicated with them, and shared each other's feelings. <3 you guys!

yesterday shihui and i went for talent vogue. it was very entertaining, esp the sec 4 basketballers' dance. omg it was soo funny and rather sick too. like u just couldn't imagine the moves coming from them. haha. the other performances like singing were quite good too. of course in the end the highlight of the show won. a lot of ppl were rooting for them. yup we had fun! :D right shihui? 

can't believe its 1st week of school, yet there seems to  be so much things to do. but as usual i digress haha. i was so pissed just now with math assignment! haha, i forgot all about quadratic inequalities, and had to call up vivien, yi ling and eunice just to seek help. and after hours, (yes, i do mean HOURS), I FINALLY figured it out. hours i tell you! and i ended up doing only 2 questions. -.- seriously argh. but i guess i deserved it, cos i didn't do any math revision during holidays haha. 

ohoh, i really love watching pushing daisies! the whole mood & setting of the show just brightens me up. and i realised that i adore johnny depp! ahhh. he's so cute, and old again =/, like 40 plus right? but who cares, he's amazing. 

my comp is nuts and i hate it, pfft, it nearly crashed on sunday. and i was soo mad that limewire caused a virus i think. so i had to remove it. :( but i have a other means to get my songs haha. cute is we aim for's new album is mine alr muahaha. 

i am worried for piano exam =/

i'm so glad, no scratch that. i am indescribably happy that things are better now. the promise made me feel really assured. i will put in my 110% effort to do what i can do to save this. never give up, remember. 

Despondent, distracted,
You're vicious and romantic;
These are a few of my favorite things.
All of those flavors and
This is what you choose:
Past the blues, past the blues,
And on to something new

Something real, make it timeless,
An act of God and nothing else will be accepted.
So if you're calling me out,
Then count me out.
 

two days back in school and i'm not exactly enjoying it. haha ah sigh i just really dislike boring lessons and having to wake up early. boo. nothing much to say about these two days really. but it feels kinda weird to be back to the same routine daily. at least during holidays it was more.. exciting. tho one good side of school's that you get to spend more time with your friends again. (:

facing two together is a hard thing to do. i would like to... but something holds me back.

oo i was watching the mv of a beautiful lie by 30 seconds to mars and i must say it's a really good one, with all the breath-taking and spectacular scenery. and plus hottie jared leto makes it look even more stunning. but he's olddddd. like really really old. :(